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Marriage Counseling Contents

How to Find the Mate
God Has for You

By Dale P. Kruse

Over the years I have watched many single women playing what amounts to nothing more than Russian Roulette on the internet and in society desperately looking for a husband.  In many of these cases these Christian women are no longer walking with Jesus.  They have left Him and instead have married unbelieving husbands and by their example encouraged others to do the same.  For many their lives have ended in shambles, having been abandoned by godless men.  Through this article I hope to reach many of you who have not yet made these disastrous choices.  Jesus loves and cares about you and this article is His word to you if only you will place your faith and trust in Him:

Jeremiah 29:11-13 "‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares Yehovah, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.’"

Years ago when I was young, like most men and women, I wanted a mate. This desire was, in my case, incredibly strong! So strong that for a while it was a distraction to God’s will and plan for my life. One day in Church I thought "Well maybe God doesn’t have a wife for me and doesn’t want me to get married." I said this because I had had no luck in finding a compatible relationship with anyone. I just seemed to go from one frustration to another. So I prayed "Lord Jesus, is marriage a part of your plan for my life?" He answered me in a most unusual way. It was during my Quiet Time. I was reading the book of Matthew when I came across the disciples' discussion with Jesus about divorce in Matthew Chapter 19. Jesus said that the only basis for divorce God sanctioned was sexual unfaithfulness in the marriage. His disciples said to Him in response "If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry" (Matt 19:10). Jesus said to them in response "Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given" (Matt 19:11). The Lord then spoke to me in my heart and said "Dale, if it was My will for you to remain single, you would be able to accept it, but the fact that you have this strong desire is because it is not my plan for you to remain single forever. In my time I do have a wife for you." Brothers and Sisters, if you have a strong desire for a mate, you are not unspiritual, it is because God in His time has a mate for you. If He did not, you would be happy being single. So, first, be encouraged and know that you have this desire because God intends to fulfill it in His time.

What then is Jesus’ plan and way for you to find the mate that He has for you? The Answer to this question is given in Psalm 37:4 and Matthew 6:33. The Psalmist wrote "Delight yourself in Yehovah; and He will give you the desires of your heart." How do we delight ourselves in the Lord?  What does this mean?  Jesus gives us the answer to this in Matthew 6:33.  Jesus speaking said "But seek-continually first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you." How do you find the mate that Jesus has for you? You do not find that mate by searching for that mate. That is the way of the world and only leads to sorrow, disappointment, misery, frustration, and for us men an empty wallet. What is Jesus’ way for you to find the mate that He has for you? His way is for you to give that desire to Him and in the mean time to get your mind off of it and focus instead on the will and plan that He has for your life; and when the time is right, He will bring the mate that He has for you to you.

Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:15-17 "Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is." Jesus has a purpose and a plan for your life as a Christian. What is that plan? He tells us in John 15:8 "By this is My Father glorified, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples." How do you bear fruit for Jesus? By allowing Jesus to use you and your abilities and talents to bring men and women to saving faith in Him. Jesus said about Himself "For the Son-of-Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost" (Luke 19:10). How did Jesus do this? Jesus said in John 14:6 "I-AM the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but through Me." Jesus tells us that He came to seek and to save the lost and that He did this by drawing men to Himself. He then tells us in John 20:21 "Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you." Jesus tells us in this passage that His will for us is to seek and to save the lost by drawing them to Himself.

How does Jesus do this? First, by your letting go of the soul life you have and desire for yourself and allowing Jesus to give you the soul life He wants you to have. Jesus said in Matthew 16:24-26,

"If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his soul shall lose it; but whoever loses his soul for My sake shall find it. For what will a man be profited, if he gains the whole world, and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?’"

With diligence and determination of will, in this world you can achieve almost anything. You could in time make a million dollars, find a wife or husband. What is it you cannot do with diligence and determination of will? If not motivated by the Holy Spirit first in your life, you cannot please God. The writer of Hebrews tells us in Hebrews 11:6 "And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." The writer of Hebrews tells us that without faith we cannot please God. How do we know when we are walking in faith and when we are not, when we are pleasing God and when we are not? God in Isaiah and Paul in Romans define sin in this way:

Isaiah 30:1 "‘Woe to the rebellious children,’ declares Yehovah, ‘who execute a plan, but not Mine, and make an alliance, but not of My Spirit, in order to add sin to sin.’"

Romans 14:23 "But He who doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and whatever is not from faith is sin."

Jesus Word in these two passages tell us that we are walking in faith when what we do is out of God’s initiative in our lives, not our own and we know it is His when it is not contrary to His Word the Bible:

John 8:47 "He who is of God hears the words of God; for this reason you do not hear them, because you are not of God."

Isaiah 8:19-20 "And when they say to you, ‘Consult the mediums and the spiritists who whisper and mutter,’ should not a people consult their God? Should they consult the dead on behalf of the living? To the law and to the testimony! If they do not speak according to this word, it is because they have no light."

So if we want to please God, we are pleasing Him when what we do with our lives is out of His initiative not our own. Just remember, though, that the way you know it is the Holy Spirit is by whether it is not contrary to the teaching of God's Word the Bible. The Holy Spirit will never lead us contrary to God's Word the Bible. Therefore, Jesus in Matthew 16:24-26 asks you to yield your soul life to Him, meaning give up your right to pursue the soul life you want to have, the mate you want to have, and allow Him to give you the soul life He wants you to have and the mate He wants you to have in His time.

Why is this important?  Peter wrote in 1 Peter 2:11 "Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts, which wage war against the soul."  You have talents and abilities Jesus wants to develop in you which will make you most fruitful for Him in bringing men and women to saving faith in Him. Depending on what those talents and abilities are Jesus wants to develop in you, it takes time and education to bring them to full development. Having a wife or husband is a strong distraction and drain on resources you need to develop those talents and abilities. You need to be undistracted in the development of the soul life Jesus has for you.

A second reason why this is important is because until you have developed those talents and abilities you do not know who you are or what Jesus' will and purpose for Your life isUntil you know that, you are not going to know what you need in a mate that would be compatible with Jesus’ will and purpose for your life. Unfortunately, when we are young, we are driven by looks and hormones which drive us crazy with desire and have little to do with who we are. When a person rushes into marriage and marries the first good looking person they meet without first allowing Jesus to give them the soul life He created them to have, marriage responsibilities and demands of marriage make developing those talents and abilities much more difficult and bring trouble to the marriage.  Many marriages do not survive the stress.  In many cases the person gives it up all together. The end result is that that person never comes to know who they really are. They satisfied their desire, but in time find it is not fulfilling and find themselves empty and their lives without meaning. The Psalmist wrote about Israel who demanded that their desires be met in the wilderness, who never entered the promised land,

Psalm 106:13-15 "They quickly forgot His works; they did not wait for His counsel, But craved intensely in the wilderness, and tempted El [God] in the desert. So He gave them their request, but sent leanness into their souls."

Israel demanded satisfaction of their desires NOW! God gave them their desire, but in the end they did not find themselves satisfied and fulfilled, but empty and unsatisfied and with leanness of soul.

God loves you.  He said in Jeremiah 31:3 "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness."  God loves you and He wants your maximum happiness.  However, you do not find happiness by pursuing that which you think will make you happy.  You find happiness by pursuing Jesus and the purpose and plan He has for your life and giving Him the right to decide when to fulfill your God given desires.  The Bible states:

Proverbs 14:13 "Even in laughter the heart may be in pain, and the end of joy may be grief."
Ecclesiastes 7:3 "Sorrow is better than laughter, for when a face is sad a heart may be happy."

Jesus said:

Luke 6:24 "But woe to you who are well-fed now, for you shall be hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you shall mourn and weep."

Some times people will say to me "God just wants you to be happy!"  Is that what the Bible teaches?  It is true that God's ultimate goal for us is our happiness in Him.  Jesus said John 10:10 "I came that you might have life! and might have it more abundantly!".  The issue is not whether God wants us to be happy but rather how we attain the happiness He wants us to have.  The Bible teaches that the road to happiness is going against our current fleshly desires and seeking God's kingdom and His righteousness and His desires for us.  The Bible states that,

Galatians 5:17 "The flesh with-strong-passion-fights against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please."

The Bible teaches that when we focus on God's will and desire for us we can expect a fight from our flesh.  However, once we are settled in God's will and plan for our lives we can expect the fruit of the Holy Spirit of love, joy and peace (Gal 5:22-23).  Paul wrote in Romans 14:17 "For the kingdom of God is. . . righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit."  When we pursue our own desire, at first it seems satisfying; but soon afterwards we find ourselves empty, unsatisfied and our lives without meaning.  When you pursue the soul life Jesus wants you to have, it is just the opposite.  At first you feel unhappy and unsatisfied because it is contrary to the desires of your flesh.  However, the one who submits himself to the soul life Jesus wants him or her to have, to God's discipline in their life, they will in the end find themselves experiencing the fruit of the Holy Spirit of love, joy and peace and having meaning in life in Jesus' purpose and plan for their lives.  And then when Jesus brings them the mate He created them to have, they then will have God's peace, joy and righteousness in the Holy Spirit in that relationship.

The choice is yours:  Pursue Your own desire now and find yourself in the end empty, unhappy and unsatisfied and separated from yourself and others and estranged spiritually from your mate because you do not know who you are or the purpose and plan Jesus had for you; or, give your desires to Jesus now and allow Him to first develop in you the soul life He wants you to have; and then when He is ready, when He does give You the mate He has for you, He will also give you the fruit of the Holy Spirit of love, joy, peace, and righteousness in the Holy Spirit and closeness and unity in the Holy Spirit in Your marriage you never thought possible?

Hebrews 12:11 "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it; afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."

Matthew 25:14-30 "For it is just like a man about to go on a journey, who called his own slaves, and entrusted his possessions to them. And to one he gave five talents, to another, two, and to another, one, each according to his own ability; and he went on his journey. Immediately the one who had received the five talents went and traded with them, and gained five more talents. In the same manner the one who had received the two talents gained two more. But he who received the one talent went away and dug in the ground, and hid his master's money, Now after a long time the master of those slaves came and settled accounts with them. And the one who had received the five talents came up and brought five more talents, saying, ‘Master, you entrusted five talents to me; see, I have gained five more talents.' His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful slave; you were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things, enter into the joy of your master.' The one also who had received the two talents came up and said, ‘Master, you entrusted to me two talents; see, I have gained two more talents.' His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful slave; you were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.' And the one also who had received the one talent came up and said, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed. And I was afraid, and went away and hid your talent in the ground; see, you have what is yours.' But his master answered and said to him, ‘You wicked, lazy slave, you knew that I reap where I did not sow, and gather where I scattered no seed. Then you ought to have put my money in the bank, and on my arrival I would have received my money back with interest. Therefore take away the talent from him, and give it to the one who has the ten talents. For to everyone who has shall more be given, and he shall have an abundance; but from the one who does not have, even what he does have shall be taken away. And cast out the worthless slave into the outer darkness; in that place there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth."

I waited in my own life.  For me it was a long wait.  But when the Lord was ready He brought me the mate He Had for me.  No marriage relationship is without its trials and periods of adjustment, but what I have with my wife Nenita is beyond anything I had hoped for.  She loves the Lord as I do and wants His will.  Therefore we are always able to work our problems out.  We have a unity in the Holy Spirit I only dreamed of in the past.  Our relationship is wonderful, It is peace, joy and righteousness in the Holy Spirit!

If you want the purpose and plan Jesus has for you and the mate He created for you in His time, go to this page titled Jesus Is the Answer to Your Needs.  The articles on this page will give you assurance of salvation, explain to you how to relate to Jesus in prayer for the answer to your needs, how to know what is truly Jesus' voice, how to know what is His will and plan for your life and how to succeed in that plan.  If you follow and obey the principles of God's Word taught in these articles you will receive the soul life Jesus has for you and in Jesus time He will bring you the mate that He has for you.  And because it will be His time and initiative, you will also have in Your marriage the fruit of His Holy Spirit of love, joy, peace, happiness, satisfaction and contentment!

Psalm 16:11 "You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fulness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever."

Hebrews 10:36-39 "For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised. For yet in a very little while, He who is coming will come, and will not delay. But My righteous one shall live by faith; and if he shrinks back, My soul, has no pleasure in Him. But we are not of those who shrink back to destruction, but of those who have faith to the preserving of the soul."

Sincerely in Jesus,

Dale P. Kruse
Pastor Evangelist

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