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How to
Find the
Mate
God Has for You
By Dale P. Kruse
Over the years I have watched many single
women playing what amounts to nothing more than Russian Roulette on the internet
and in society desperately looking for a husband. In many of these cases
these Christian women are no longer walking with Jesus. They have left Him
and instead have married unbelieving husbands and by their example encouraged
others to do the same. For many their lives have ended in shambles, having
been abandoned by godless men. Through this article I hope to reach many
of you who have not yet made these disastrous choices. Jesus loves and
cares about you and this article is His word to you if only you will place your
faith and trust in Him:
Jeremiah 29:11-13
"‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares Yehovah,
‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a
hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will
listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for
Me with all your heart.’"
Years ago when I was young, like
most men and women, I wanted a mate. This desire was, in my case, incredibly
strong! So strong that for a while it was a distraction to God’s will and plan
for my life. One day in Church I thought "Well maybe God doesn’t have a wife for
me and doesn’t want me to get married." I said this because I had had no luck in
finding a compatible relationship with anyone. I just seemed to go from one
frustration to another. So I prayed "Lord Jesus, is marriage a part of your plan
for my life?" He answered me in a most unusual way. It was during my Quiet Time.
I was reading the book of Matthew when I came across the disciples' discussion
with Jesus about divorce in Matthew Chapter 19. Jesus said that the only basis
for divorce God sanctioned was sexual unfaithfulness in the marriage. His
disciples said to Him in response "If the relationship of the man with his wife
is like this, it is better not to marry" (Matt 19:10). Jesus said to them in
response "Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has
been given" (Matt 19:11). The Lord then spoke to me in my heart and said "Dale,
if it was my will for you to remain single, you would be able to accept it, but
the fact that you have this strong desire is because it is not my plan for you
to remain single forever. In my time I do have a wife for you." Brothers and
Sisters, if you have a strong desire for a mate, you are not unspiritual, it is
because God in His time has a mate for you. If He did not, you would be happy
being single. So, first, be encouraged and know that you have this desire
because God intends to fulfill it in His time.
What then is Jesus’ plan and way for you to find the mate
that He has for you? The Answer to this question is given in Psalm 37:4
and Matthew 6:33. The Psalmist wrote "Delight yourself in Yehovah; and He will
give you the desires of your heart." How do we delight ourselves in the
Lord? What does this mean? Jesus gives us the answer to this in Matthew 6:33.
Jesus speaking said "But
seek-continually first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things
shall be added to you." How do you find the mate that Jesus has for you? You do
not find that mate by searching for that mate. That is the way of the world and
only leads to sorrow, disappointment, misery, frustration, and for us men an
empty wallet. What is Jesus’ way for you to
find the mate that He has for you? His way is for you to give that desire to Him and
in the mean time to get your mind off of it and focus instead on the will and
plan that He has for your life; and when the time is right, He will bring the mate that He has for
you to you.
Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:15-17 "Therefore be careful how you walk,
not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days
are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord
is." Jesus has a purpose and a plan for your life as a Christian. What is that
plan? He tells us in John 15:8 "By this is My Father glorified, that you bear
much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples." How do you bear fruit for Jesus?
By allowing Jesus to use you and your abilities and talents to bring men and
women to saving faith in Him. Jesus said about Himself "For the Son-of-Man has
come to seek and to save that which was lost" (Luke 19:10). How did Jesus do
this? Jesus said in John 14:6 "I-AM the way, and the truth, and the life; no one
comes to the Father, but through Me." Jesus tells us that He came to seek and to
save the lost and that He did this by drawing men to Himself. He then tells us
in John 20:21 "Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you."
Jesus tells us in this passage that His will for us is to seek and to save the
lost by drawing them to Himself.
How does Jesus do this? First, by your letting go of the soul
life you have and desire for yourself and allowing Jesus to give you the soul
life He wants you to have. Jesus said in Matthew 16:24-26,
"If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and
take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his soul shall lose
it; but whoever loses his soul for My sake shall find it. For what will a man be
profited, if he gains the whole world, and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man
give in exchange for his soul?’"
With diligence and determination of will, in this world you
can achieve almost anything. You could in time make a million dollars, find a
wife or husband. What is it you cannot do with diligence and determination of
will? If not motivated by the Holy Spirit first in your life, you cannot please
God. The writer of Hebrews tells us in Hebrews 11:6 "And without faith it is
impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and
that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." The writer of Hebrews tells us
that without faith we cannot please God. How do we know when we are walking in
faith and when we are not, when we are pleasing God and when we are not? God in
Isaiah and Paul in Romans define sin in this way:
Isaiah 30:1 "‘Woe to the
rebellious children,’ declares Yehovah, ‘who execute a plan, but not Mine, and
make an alliance, but not of My Spirit, in order to add sin to sin.’"
Romans 14:23 "But He who
doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and
whatever is not from faith is sin."
Jesus Word in these two passages tell us that we are walking
in faith when what we do is out of God’s initiative in our lives, not our own.
So if we want to please God, we are pleasing Him when what we do with our lives
is out of His initiative and not our own. Therefore, Jesus in Matthew 16:24-26
asks you to yield your soul life to Him, meaning give up your right to pursue
the soul life you want to have, the mate you want to have, and allow Him to give
you the soul life He wants you to have and the mate He wants you to have in His
time.
Why is this important? Peter wrote in 1 Peter 2:11
"Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts,
which wage war against the soul." You have talents and abilities Jesus
wants to develop in you which will make you most fruitful for Him in bringing
men and women to saving faith in Him. Depending on what those talents and
abilities are Jesus wants to develop in you, it takes time and education to
bring them to full development. Having a wife or husband is a strong distraction
and drain on resources you need to develop those talents and abilities.
You need to be undistracted in the development of the soul life Jesus has for
you.
A second reason why this is important is because
until you
have developed those talents and abilities you do not know who you are or what
Jesus' will and purpose for Your life is. Until you know that, you are not
going to know what you
need in a mate that would be compatible with Jesus’ will and purpose for your
life. Unfortunately, when we are young, we are driven by looks and
hormones which drive us crazy with desire and have little to do with who we are.
When a person rushes into marriage and marries the first good looking person
they meet without first allowing Jesus to give them the soul life He created for
them, marriage responsibilities and demands of marriage make developing those
talents and abilities much more difficult and bring trouble to the marriage.
Many marriages do not survive the stress. In many cases the person gives
it up all together. The end result is that that person never comes to know
who they really are. They satisfied their desire, but in time find it is not
fulfilling and find themselves empty and their lives without meaning. The
Psalmist wrote about Israel who demanded that their desires be met in the
wilderness, who never entered the promised land,
"They quickly forgot His works; they did not wait for His
counsel, But craved intensely in the wilderness, and tempted El [God] in
the desert. So He gave them their request, but sent leanness into their souls."
(Psalm 106:13-15)
Israel demanded satisfaction of their desires NOW! God gave
them their desire, but in the end they did not find themselves satisfied and
fulfilled, but empty and unsatisfied and with leanness of soul.
God loves you. He said in
Jeremiah 31:3 "I have
loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with
lovingkindness." God loves you and He wants your maximum happiness.
However, you do not find happiness by pursuing that which you think will make
you happy. You find happiness by pursuing Jesus and the purpose and plan
He has for your life and giving Him the right to decide when to fulfill your God
given desires. The Bible states:
Proverbs 14:13 "Even in laughter the heart may be in pain, and the end
of joy may be grief."
Ecclesiastes 7:3 "Sorrow is better than
laughter, for when a face is sad a heart may be happy."
Jesus said:
Luke
6:24 "But woe to you who are well-fed now, for you shall be hungry.
Woe to you who laugh now, for you shall mourn and weep."
Some times people will say to me "God just wants you to be
happy!" Is that what the Bible teaches? It is true that God's
ultimate goal for us is our happiness in Him. Jesus said "I came that you
might have life! and might have it more abundantly!" (John 10:10). The
issue is not whether God wants us to be happy but rather how we attain the
happiness He wants us to have. The Bible teaches that the
road to happiness is going against our current fleshly desires and seeking God's
kingdom and His righteousness and His desires for us. The Bible states
that,
"The flesh
with-strong-passion-fights against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh;
for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things
that you please." (Gal 5:17)
The Bible teaches that when we focus on God's will and desire
for us we can expect a fight from our flesh. However, once we are settled
in God's will and plan for our lives we can expect the fruit of the Holy Spirit
of love, joy and peace (Gal 5:22-23). Paul wrote in Romans 14:17
"For the
kingdom of God is. . . righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit."
When we pursue our own desire, at first it seems satisfying; but soon afterwards
we find ourselves empty, unsatisfied and our lives without meaning. When you
pursue the soul life Jesus wants you to have, it is just the opposite. At
first you feel unhappy and unsatisfied because it is contrary to the desires of
your flesh. However, the one who submits himself to
the soul life Jesus wants him or her to have, to God's discipline in their life,
they will in the
end find themselves experiencing the fruit of the Holy Spirit of love, joy and
peace and having meaning in life in Jesus' purpose and plan for their lives.
And then when Jesus brings them the mate He created them to have, they then will have
God's peace, joy and
righteousness in the Holy Spirit in that relationship.
The choice is yours: Pursue Your own desire now and
find yourself in the end empty, unhappy and unsatisfied and separated from
yourself and others and estranged spiritually from your mate because you do not
know who you are or the purpose and plan Jesus had for you; or, give your
desires to Jesus now and allow Him to first develop in you the soul life He
wants you to have; and then when He is ready, when He does give You the mate He
has for you, He will also give you the fruit of the Holy Spirit of love, joy,
peace, and righteousness in the Holy Spirit and closeness and unity in the Holy
Spirit in Your marriage you never thought possible?
Hebrews 12:11
"All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to
those who have been trained by it; afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of
righteousness."
Matthew
25:14-30 "For it is just like a man about to go on a journey, who
called his own slaves, and entrusted his possessions to them. And to one he gave
five talents, to another, two, and to another, one, each according to his own
ability; and he went on his journey. Immediately the one who had received the
five talents went and traded with them, and gained five more talents. In the
same manner the one who had received the two talents gained two more. But he who
received the one talent went away and dug in the ground, and hid his master's
money, Now after a long time the master of those slaves came and settled
accounts with them. And the one who had received the five talents came up and
brought five more talents, saying, ‘Master, you entrusted five talents to me;
see, I have gained five more talents.' His master said to him, ‘Well done, good
and faithful slave; you were faithful with a few things, I will put you in
charge of many things, enter into the joy of your master.' The one also who had
received the two talents came up and said, ‘Master, you entrusted to me two
talents; see, I have gained two more talents.' His master said to him, ‘Well
done, good and faithful slave; you were faithful with a few things, I will put
you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.' And the one
also who had received the one talent came up and said, ‘Master, I knew you to be
a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no
seed. And I was afraid, and went away and hid your talent in the ground; see,
you have what is yours.' But his master answered and said to him, ‘You wicked,
lazy slave, you knew that I reap where I did not sow, and gather where I
scattered no seed. Then you ought to have put my money in the bank, and on my
arrival I would have received my money back with interest. Therefore take away
the talent from him, and give it to the one who has the ten talents. For to
everyone who has shall more be given, and he shall have an abundance; but from
the one who does not have, even what he does have shall be taken away. And cast
out the worthless slave into the outer darkness; in that place there shall be
weeping and gnashing of teeth."
I waited in my own life. For me it was a long wait.
But when the Lord was ready He brought me the mate He Had for me. No
marriage relationship is without its trials and periods of adjustment, but what
I have with my wife Nenita is beyond anything I had hoped for. She loves
the Lord as I do and wants His will. Therefore we are always able to work
our problems out. We have a unity in the Holy Spirit I only dreamed of in
the past. Our
relationship is wonderful, It is peace, joy and righteousness in the Holy
Spirit!
If you want the purpose and plan Jesus has for you and the
mate He created for you in His time, go to this page titled
Jesus
Is the Answer to Your Needs. The articles on this page
will give you assurance of salvation, explain to you how to relate to Jesus in
prayer for the answer to your needs, how to know what is truly Jesus' voice, how
to know what is His will and plan for your life and how to succeed in that plan.
If you follow and obey the principles of God's Word taught in these articles you
will receive the soul life Jesus has for you and in Jesus time He will bring you
the mate that He has for you. And because it will be His time and
initiative, you will also have in Your marriage the fruit of His Holy Spirit of love, joy, peace, happiness, satisfaction
and contentment!
Psalm 16:11
"You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fulness of joy;
In Your right hand there are pleasures forever."
Hebrews
10:36-39 "For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done
the will of God, you may receive what was promised. For yet in a very little
while, He who is coming will come, and will not delay. But My righteous one
shall live by faith; and if he shrinks back, My soul, has no pleasure in Him.
But we are not of those who shrink back to destruction, but of those who have
faith to the preserving of the soul."
Sincerely in Jesus,
Dale P. Kruse
Pastor Evangelist
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